That Scared Little Girl

That scared little girl is today a woman in her 30’s finding her way through pain, hurt, and healing. She’s learning to hope—choosing to believe for the beauty of a life she’s never seen.

But that little girl… My heart aches for her. The things she saw and experienced are still being uncovered, but for sure it can be said that there was a great instability and intense fear that consumed her fragile mind and body every night as she lay in bed. The nights she held her breath listening… Waiting. Wondering… Constantly longing for security. For family. To feel loved and wanted. To feel safe.

That little girl grew up in an alcoholic family. If you didn’t grow up as a COA (Children of Alcoholics), then maybe you can read that and imagine a scene; but if you lived it, then you probably felt that as you read. You have your own stories of course, but at the end of the day, we are all in the same tribe. We know the rules. We know the pain… at least in our bodies. Emotionally and mentally, most of our childhood was repressed. But whether or not we are aware of why, we suffer the side effects all the same.

So if you’re a part of this tribe, welcome dear one… Please grieve.

Please feel all the feelings you didn’t allow yourself to feel as a child, teenager, young adult… You weren’t able to. You didn’t have the mental space to process the normal stages of your growth because you were processing trauma. Yes, you were going through trauma.

That scared little girl is me.

And you. You’re not alone. You are joined with some of the most beautiful and incredibly resilient brothers and sisters.

And we’re no longer stuck here. We’re gonna heal. We’re gonna love. We’re gonna thrive.

Dear one, we will live again.